


her

by anddirtyrain



Series: Sanvers After Hours [4]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 19:51:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10793583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anddirtyrain/pseuds/anddirtyrain
Summary: For so long she didn’t know what to do with the words. Now she doesn’t know what to do with the tenderness blooming in her chest, threatening to crack her ribcage open every time she utters them.orpost 2x19





	her

She blames herself a little.

 

She can’t help it.

 

If she hadn’t argued with Kara, if she’d just swallowed it down, Kara wouldn’t have left, Alex wouldn’t have left after her.

 

None of this would have happened.

 

Her eyes trail over Alex’s still figure on the bed.

 

She and Kara pleaded with her to spend the night at the med-bay, just in case. The monitors next to her beep steadily, and that and the rise and fall of Alex’s chest are the only things keeping her settled, sane.

 

It’s her fault, in a way.

 

Maggie’s not in the business of taking blame away from perpetrators, she knows there’s no one to blame but the bastard who took her, and if Alex hadn’t punched him then she would have liked a go at his face -

 

But still.

 

She can’t help but think of the possibilities.

 

It’s what she always does, once the situation deescalates, when she has time to crash and the adrenaline fades. What she could have done better. What she could have said better. If there were casualties, how could she have avoided them. Saved more people.

 

She didn’t lose anyone tonight, but her brain still runs through the events, over and over again. She’s still wired. She knows she’s not getting any sleep.

 

Maybe they would’ve all had dinner, watched a movie together. She would’ve had Alex’s arm around her shoulders the whole time. She would’ve, should’ve ranted once Kara and Mon-El were gone. She would’ve let Alex sooth her. Maybe they would’ve had sex. She would have fallen asleep next to her, Alex’s arm around her waist.

 

Maybe that asshole would have tried to take Alex in the middle of the night then. They’re both light sleepers, they would have woken and fought him off. She’s rarely away from Alex at nigh these days. The last time they went two nights in a row without seeing each other was over three weeks ago.

 

 

Or maybe he wouldn’t have. Maybe he’d wait until Alex was alone, however long that took. (Were there cameras in Alex’s apartment? Bugs? She remembers his comment about Alex playing for the other teams, and she shudders, feeling violated. Just how much had he seen?)

 

And where did he take her? In the street? While she was still inside the building? She hasn’t asked Alex. They haven’t spoken about it at all.

 

She can’t help but feel guilty she took a hot shower and changed into one of Alex’s sleep shirts and fell asleep, warm in her girl’s bed, while Alex was drugged and being taken to that fucking place.

 

A part of her, a very small part of her, fears that Alex will blame her too.

 

She can’t help that either. Most days she’s a 32 year old police officer, sure of herself, calm. Some times she’s still a 14 year old kid, scared out of her mind, alone and confused. (Today she felt like both.) She’s tried to kill that girl more times that she can count, she’s tried to bury her.

 

Until Alex, she hadn’t tried treating her kindly.

 

Maggie’s trying to do that now.

 

(But it’s so hard when the girl whispers, you’re not good enough for her.)

 

Maggie shakes her head.

 

She knows she has some shit to work out, but she’s not a wilting flower. She doesn’t need to break down crying. She doesn’t need for anyone to coddle her, and she’s not used to it anyways.

 

Words are sometimes enough.

 

Alex loves her. She loves her.

 

Just thinking about it sends a shiver coursing through her body.

 

Alex told her she loves her and Maggie believes her. She fully, wholly, passionately loves her back.

 

And her childhood trauma can shut the fuck up.

  
“I can hear your brain working all the way from here.”

 

She looks up, meets Alex’s tired, reddened eyes.

 

“You’re supposed to be asleep.”

 

Alex shrugs faintly.

 

“I’m too wired.” Her voice sounds rough, and Alex gets up to get her a glass of water. “Exhausted, but too…too everything to fall asleep.”

 

“That’s the adrenaline talking,” she tells her, handing her the glass. Alex had slept for a solid hour after they brought her back to the DEO, but Maggie hardly thinks that’s enough for her body to recover.

 

“I know,” Alex tells her. Maggie rolls her eyes. Her girlfriend the doctor agent.

 

Alex takes a sip of the water.

 

“You know, if we were at home I could work off the adrenaline in other ways,” Alex teases, raising an eyebrow.

 

Maggie takes the glass back, trying not to smile.

 

“But you wanted me to stay here, so this is your fault, really.”

 

Maggie’s smile fades.

 

“They need to monitor you,” she tells Alex softly.

 

Alex stares up at her, and Maggie feels very naked.

 

Alex always picks up on her moods. Sometimes it feels like she can smell her melancholy.

 

“Come here,” Alex invites.

 

Maggie steps forward.

 

“I’m here, Danvers.”

 

“Closer,” Alex whispers.

 

“Alex, you’re hurt.”

 

Alex pushes the sheets down.

 

“Get in here,” she orders.

 

“The bed is too small,” Maggie argues, trying to cover her back up.

 

“You’re lucky you’re so tiny, then,” Alex says, sitting up with effort.

 

Maggie laughs. She can’t help it. It feels like flying.

 

It feels like a gunshot that she almost lost this for good.

 

“You’re lucky I love you,” she tells her. For so long she didn’t know what to do with the words. Now she doesn’t know what to do with the tenderness blooming in her chest, threatening to crack her ribcage open every time she utters them.

 

Alex smiles.

  
“Yeah, I am.”

 

She can taste the tears, feel the knot growing in the back of her throat

 

“Come here,” Alex says again, softer, quieter. Like she knows what Maggie needs better than Maggie does herself, like she’s offering comfort and how Maggie wants to take it.

 

She falters.

 

“It’s too small. I don’t want to hurt you-”

 

Alex swings her legs out of bed.

 

“Alex!”

 

“I’m good,” she says, and stands up. “Lay down,” Alex tells her. "You look exhausted. Have you slept at all?" She hasn't, 40 hours and counting. "Please," Alex pleads, and Maggie gives in. She quickly takes off her boots, and leaves them beneath Alex’s hospital bed. She removes her jacket and folds it, drapes it over a chair.

 

She gets in the bed.

 

It’s a thin bed, lending itself to functionality rather than the patient’s comfort. It can fit maybe one and half of her side-by-side.

 

Alex climbs in after her. Maggie helps out as much as she can. Alex slots her leg between Maggie’s, rests most of her upper body against Maggie’s chest. Maggie gets a face full of hair and a hand pressing down on her stomach before Alex settles down.

 

And then Maggie’s never felt so grounded.

 

She drapes the sheets back over the both of them, making sure to cover Alex’s bare shoulder. The deadly cold has left her body, and the color has returned to her cheeks, buts he never wants to see that again.

 

“Mhm, this is nice,” Alex mumbles into her chest.

 

“Yeah.”

 

She hadn’t realized just how cold she was until now.

 

Every second of Alex’s body pressed against her own makes heat seep into her, warming her from the inside out. It almost feels like Alex had her own heart with her in that glass box, and it’s just now returning to her body.

 

Alex rests her head against her chest. Maggie can feel the extra weight, the way Alex completely relaxes as all tension leaves her body. She rubs her hand up and down her back, slowly.

 

“Alex?”

 

“Mhm?”

 

“What kind of name is Gertrude?”

 

Alex wheezes out a laugh, Maggie feels the warm gust of air against her chest before she hears it, and then she doesn’t feel like she has to apologize. It wasn’t her fault. It was just another day. Their lives are constantly on the balance, is what she chose, is what the both of them signed on for. And today was just another day, the most terrifying one of her life so far, but just another day.

 

Alex’s breath evens out. Maggie looks down as much as she can, and she sees Alex fell asleep with a faint, tired smile on her face.

 

Alex survived. She’s warm and alive in her arms. Maggie will kiss her tomorrow, and chase that lifetime of firsts every day after that. Because they get those days.

 

She’ll make sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm @ anddirtrain on tumblr/twitter.


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